Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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