my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Randomize
