she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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