Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
