It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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