She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
