Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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