can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
