Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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