Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
