Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
