His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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