I cannot find my penis.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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