I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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