I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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