She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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