I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Randomize
