fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
