I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
