New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
