i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
