I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
