Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
