I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You need Xanax blowdarts
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
