Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
