So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
