White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
