Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
