I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
