In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
