i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
