theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
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