You just made me feel so damn special
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
