just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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