You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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