dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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