well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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