We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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