Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
