Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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