im drinking this country out of the recession.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
