Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
