I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
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