We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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