and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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