Just mADE A PArabola og urine
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
