Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize