Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
