can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I am midnight drunk by noon
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
