if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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