so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
