i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
