she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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