Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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