I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
