Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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