so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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