The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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