What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Sacagawea was the original milf.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
