My hair reeks of homosexuality.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
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