It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
