He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
