I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
