and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
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