protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
