Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
