I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
