2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
